ok...im back

it's been nearly three months since i've sat down to trace my thoughts on life and the like. alot has happened, but firstly i would like to thank you all for the contributions to my social experiment as i found out you really do care about what i think and do actually read my blogs. so i apologize for the absence of reading material the last two or three months.

ok....three month recap in under a minute....go!

i left off right before out close up trip...that was probably one of the funnest experiences i will have in highschool. i enjoyed how it was more of a vacation than a learning experience even though i learned a buttload. i met some cool people and other fun stuff

then we came back and i went to play....meaning track. i don't think of track of work but more of an oppurtunity to relieve stress. i love track and i would do it all year if offered. i do it all year anyways....short recap of track... i broke 5 records and put carsons name out of another record and i had a bad day two days at state. then i redeemed myself last weekend throwing far enough at the same track to win state by 12 feet. hmm...

during all this i had some major internal conflicts which i think i'm going to share later. but pretty much that was my last three months. oh yeah and i think i watched three movies and didn't have my shirt on outside twice. prom was in the mix somewhere and guitar hero entered my life and real guitar left :(. now it's being repaired by a repairman who has no idea what he's doing and i'm about to give up on him.

i have a girlfriend again now and that's another story for later. i also sleep without a top sheet on my bed because i hate how it gets bunched up at the bottom and i only sleep with one blanket now and no pillow. i got a good score on my act and gas is expensive except when i ride my dirtbike. i still like thunderstorms and i've thought about being a meteorologist except every time i think of that i think of the anchorman weather man, brick.

ok....now that i think i've covered all the details of my absence maybe i'll cover some in depth topics to give readers a chance to sit back and think about how it might relate to you...i think i'll end all my blogs with some sort of philosophical question now...kind of like sex and the city?

ok...background:: at close up i met a really nice girl who i got to know really well and i knew that i probably wanted to see her again. hmm...her being from hawaii was a problem but when talk of them coming up here arose, i couldn't believe my ears. apparently they're rich, eventually offering to pay the tickets for me to go down there because they thought it was crazy i'd never seen the ocean.

background cont:: so in a couple of weeks i was pretty over them coming up here but i had told them that i wouldn't get with any other girls if they were coming. so i thought that was fine because i had to interests at that time anyway backhome.

close up ended and we said our goodbyes and we talked occasionally but the talks got less and less......now for the opposing force behind this conflict.

i returned from close up and attended prom. it was the best prom i've been to. Sadee was an awesome date (note the capatilization, only one so far) and i had so much fun. i knew that there was something between us. but wait, i wasn't supposed to be with any other girls. so i passed it off as fun and me and sadee talked some but then ties kindof brokeoff even though i could tell that something was there.

as talks became less and less with the hawaiians, i was torn between a dream that was 3ooo miles away and an oppurtunity right in front of my eyes. i know, sounds stupid now, but we do stupid things.

did i cut off ties with sadee for something completely unknown, or did i assume the best that they would come during the summer? i hated trying to decide. so i tried to keep sadee as a friend but eventually, i gave up. i couldn't live on a dream any longer when a golden oppurtunity was right in front of me. and i have no regrets, sadee is awesome even though the distance gap will be a little tough this summer. but it's weird when you're looking for someone how if you sort of just stop looking, they're right there looking for you.

isn't it funny though, just as i told one person that i wouldn't get with any other girls because i didn't want to, that one pops up that i really want to be with.

so question: why do we wait on something that might happen when the opportunity to make it happen is right there?

i answered this for myself this time, but it was alot harder than i thought it would be.

help

...the little bit counts...

im back....i took a blog break after my short streak there to think about some things and refocus on what i wanted to write about. I started on a few blogs but ended up deleting them because they randomly went nowhere, which isn't what i wanted.

i have a cold. i knew i was going to get one. i had that feeling in my throat all week that i was going to get a cold if i didnt' go to bed early. so i ended up getting one. oh well.

I have been watching, listening, admiring, and criticizing people lately. I do alot of this now. Not out loud of course. I think people would be very surprised at what goes through my mind. But what i've noticed lately is so many people need help.

now there are tons of reasons that people need help and i can never cover all of them. but i want to cover the main ones and why i even want to write about this.

i wish i could help more people. and anymore, people are so good at covering up. you never see the true emotional side of people anymore. maybe you never could. but when i hear about what people are going through it makes me realize how lucky i am.

i complain about things a far share. i complain about always being busy and all the decisions i have to make and all the homework i have. i complain about the dinner i get or the meal prices are going up. i complain about how far it is to third floor or about the way someone walks.

but this is another thing i don't do out loud much. yes i'll occasionally bitch about something if i truly feel i need to, but i usually grumble under my breath.

but should i be complaining. no! there are other kids who go home to no parents, split up parents, parents who are fighting, parents that don't care, a bad family life altogether. there are kids who have never went to that restaurant for those overpriced meals. there are kids who are happy just to get to school everyday and walk to that third floor. there are people who wish they were busier so they didn't have to go home.

i wish i could somehow help these kids or do something to help them. today i gave a kid a ride home who hasn't had the best life. and i'm sure he couldn't believe i stopped to give him a ride. but just the little things are what matter. there are so many things that go on in front of our own eyes and we don't care or turn our eyes away.

...the little bit counts...

i've also realized lately how important eye contact is to me in all situations of life. but it seems not alot of other people share this importance. as i walk down the hall people don't look much anymore. they just keep on walking as though they haven't passed anyone at all. sometimes just little things like this make me happy, like a kid who just received cinnamon toast for his birthday( i think it would be good). for some reason, i think i've already wrote about this eye contact deal, but i can't remember.

i'm going to bed so i can sleep this cold off.

...the little bit counts...

in the mood

i've been in the mood to blog lately. i don't know why. maybe because it helps me learn more about myself when i can write down what im thinking. i didn't think i've ever keep up with my blogging, partly because I thought i was doing it just because everyone else seemed to be. But i 've found that this is a good place for me to see what i'm actually thinking.

i hate people who guilt me into doing things. this may otherwise be know as "peer pressuring". yes you know who you are. i have learned to ignore these guilt trips, which is more than likely for the better.

don't guilt me about how long i plan to stay at your house. when i want to leave, i am more than likely going to leave, and your little whines (sp) won't change my mind. when i deny your invitation to go somewhere, don't act like if i don't go, i somehow will perish and you will never see me again. maybe i don't feel like going. Maybe i've made other plans but because of how tired you've made me with your whining i don't feel like sharing them with you.

this annoys me very much when people try to convince me that what they're doing is something that is spectactular and life changing. most times i end up checking my non-existent watch and thinking about how i could go home and sit in my comfortable plaid pajama pants to a cup chocolate milk with a tall stack of cookies and read the paper. of course my feet would be gently rested on the most comfortable foot stool a poor man can buy and the fireplace would be gently crackling just a few feet away.

but...i'm sitting with you checking the wall clock that's wrong on the time but i've seen it so many times that i know how fast it is. and when i get home i have no fireplace, we're out of chocolate milk and cookies, and the paper has already been thrown away. my pajama pants are in the wash and even i can't afford a comfortable footstool.

so the next time you try and guilt me into doing something after i've sincerely told you that i don't think i was going to do that tonight, just politely say... ok dave. have fun at home...


i will

second part of this evenings blog

we had our dog put to sleep tonight. it was sad but he was suffering pretty bad too. it was to the point where he couldn't even lie down because he couldn't breathe. but here's the thought process of this sad news.

my mom took it pretty hard. we've had this dog for eleven years and he went everywhere with us. he barked at the cows as we went by and he never missed the chance for table scraps.

but as i sat here and they left for the vet, i didn't cry. everyone else in my family did, but i didn't. and i felt bad for not crying. that sounds weird. i mean i felt sad and everything, i just didn't feel the need to cry.

i find myself thinking about it still. do other people think less of me if i don't cry.

i don't know the answer...i probably never will...there probably is not right answer. some people cry, some people don't. i guess it just depends on the person. i used to cry alot. i rarely cry anymore...i can't think of the last time....except tears of joy. might of had to be that football game we can't talk about.

goodnight readers.

Asshole

I was so happy when i got allstate this year and no one else did. Plus i got all conf. kicker and running back. No one else did that good. HAha, i'm number one in my class too. Glad i'm not dumb. Oh yeah....i did like three bitches over the weekend....now i hate them for no apparent reason.


i could be such an asshole. i hate assholes.

i like being the way i am. I love being the way i am. I hate when people brag/boast/talk about doing everyone/lie about doing everyone.

Maybe this is a hate blog. I don't really know. At this point, it has no apparent point, just a vent.

I learning to forgive people. Even when they don't deserve it. But someone has to forgive them. I may hate them and despise every last thing they do, but i try to forgive them. I know in the end i'll laugh when i'm on top ( i could be boasting here, but i realized it so thus it isn't boasting). I've always told myself. "People will realize how you are and they'll realize that your different" yeah...they've realized. Hasn't changed them though. I guess i'll just forgive them for not coming to my face and politely telling me they've realized why i'm different.

somebody classify me. someone comment on this with a classification....

some examples but don't put this or i'll be disappointed with your slow mind would be jock, prep, nerd, girl......etc.

i helped a priest but together an exercise machine today. i don't think it will get used. i kindof want it though.

we had a 5 day weekend. felt like two still. i wish it would have been six. sorry about the incomplete thoughts.

lastly...if you read this blog...comment it with the words asshole, just so i know you care.

(recognize the humor)

night

you life you...

well...change. the money you find lying on the ground. i have been emptying my wallet of this change we seem to throw away or lose and finally i cashed it in. $62. nice.

but no, i'm talking about change, as in things that make you feel success, failure, great, happy, sad, retarded, etc. life are full of these little excitements. well thats my made up definition. but this is another "dictionary definition and reflection blog"

dictionary definition for change. oh geez, there's like 500 of them...i'll just randomly pick one that i can write about. ""the passing from one place, state, form, or phase to another""

changes happen to me all the time. this most recent one on which i won't speak alot because i've learned not to dwell on the past, is a change of state.

singleness....hmm.... sigh...hmmm...no i don't feel quite like i think i should though. in my mind i think i should be feeling "depressed, sad, worthless" but i feel good, relieved, huge muscled...anyways...i have learned to deal with change like i deal with a very large and overpowering plate of my favorite dinner. (in this case, i don't have a favorite dinner, i love everything, but think of your favorite dinner if your having the same amount of change in your life) first i start slow to prepare myself with the meal, or change, that i'm being faced with. i then indulge in the change, or chicken enchilada, and make my best effort to satifactorily make it everything that i wanted. sometimes this is hard to do. there may be a burnt peice (hurt feelings) during this phase.

finally i reach the end and i can see dessert (or some kind of prize) at the end. i can feel i have pretty much dealth with this plate of change thoroughly and indulge into some freshly baked cookies and cold glass of milk. yes change i can deal with you..


i'm getting some cookies


anyone who would like advice on change and how it can be dealt with can ask, but a food related answer should be expected.

goodnight

V (har, school, vard) Day

so alot has happened. i laugh when i say that. it sounds like i'm writing to my parents from a two week summer camp after the first day, except in that letter i'd go on to tell how i don't like any of the kids and the water in the lake is cool, and the cabin smells musty and i hate how the other kids complain. But this isn't one of those letters, this is a recap of the past few days in which a few very humbling stories have emerged.





Valentines DAY morning: Yes i procrastinate about everything. Reports, homework, talking to people, turning in money, sleeping, and yes buying gifts for people i care for on and around holidays. This year i waited until V-day morning to buy my gifts for that special someone, and when i got there, i was delighted.





No, not because everything was %50 off already, but because the store was crowded at 7:45 in the morning. I could not believe this. From previous experiences in my morning shopping, i see the occasional elderly woman who escapes the business of day-time shopping and gets it done early. Now, as i entered Safeway and approached the place i thought 'id find some suitable v-day sweets, there were areound ten guys all gathered around the flowers/ sweets.





i stopped....and laughed. wow...i wasn't the only one. these men looked tired, frantic, and somehow lost. i assume i appeared about the same. but as i grabbed up my bags of candy and escaped "procrastination central" i realized something. after all this time of thinking i was somehow different from all those other guys who forget stuff and are lazy, i found that i myself, was one of those guys. now i know i'm not exactly like that...but it just made me laugh. i continued this state of mind for the rest of the day. i still laugh now as i tell you about it.





vday went pretty swell. probably one of the best. which brings me to my next story.





haha valentines day memories. third grade.





i was a stud back then. i had the girls i liked and didn't like and i knew who i wanted specific valentines cards for and i was going to write a secret message. i had this planned and this took the extent of my courage to actually write a secret message at which i thought would be secret. so it came to that time to write them. when i got to haley's card, i knew exactly what i was going to say....it came from the depth of my being and i carefully inscribed the words in my beautiful third grade writing "i like you". yes i knew it was perfect.

i carefully enveloped this special message and made sure i wrote the correct name on the envelope. we went to school and i watched with careful anticipation all day to when she would finally open mine. yes. there it was. but what i saw wasn't what i wanted. she was laughing. yes at me. i felt ruined. haha....


haha....o vday i'll never forget you


more news...the harvard saga continues.

i recieve about five billions items of mail every day (counting real mail, email, and fake mail{fake mail acounts for around 4.45 billion})

this is all from colleges, and an occasional letter from my grandma. colleges are always sending me their cheap non-profit letters which all tell me the same thing. " your score was good enough for us to send you junk mail"

but today was extra special. in my "hmm... yeah i guess thats funny" blog, i spoke on the matter of harvard. Today i received a letter. And i at first expected another non-profit crap letter than i would just store away with all the rest. THIS ONE WAS REAL. the letter said quote David, I hope this finds you well. I had a great talk with Coach Cutler about you. He is sending us a video. Our other player from MT, Chris Carlson (Billings), played for us as a nickelback this season...as a true freshman. I look forward to talking to you soon. Go Crimson! Coach Crook. End Quote

i don't really know what to think...haha. oh well. i guess i'll what and see what happens, and come to think of it, that's about all i can do.

peace

a real man....?

it takes a real man to eat a grapefruit. taking that first bite out of an unsweetened grapefruit is like taking one in the face. and just like in the face, you don't want that again, unless you put some sugar on it, which doensn't help at all.

wish i could be a real man and eat a whole grapefruit.

i love traditions and watching old people dance.

a new tradition has started and because i can't reveal what it is i'll call it..."toast ham and tea" or THAT. WE have been doing THAT for three weeks now and it make me feel like i have something to do on a certain day of the week. i feel like one of the regulars and when i walk into THAT place, people will look up and greet me with that smile of satisfaction of seeing me again....hmmm...the lutherans might now smile at me, but everyone else will. you stole our table lutherans, that was ours. hmm THAT's good.

tradtitions are sweet. i need to make more of them.

i had the opportunity to bust tables for two hours this past week and i'll never pass up that oppurtunity. $68 in tips wasn't bad either but gettin gmy hands covered in used crab butter and spilled bud light really made my night. but at this grand festival i had the chance to watch elderly(probably actually not that old like could be my mom or dad old) dance. it was interesting. "US" kids dance how we wanna, but they danced with grace and a style that isn't around anymore.i wanted to learn, and then be disappointed when i tried to teach someone else and they laughed at me.

that is something i'm going to do when im in college or maybe just after, in the prime of my life. get dancing lessons. it has been a thought of mine for a while now, and when i go to some grand governors ball and the finest lady in the house asks me to dance, i will gladly take her hand and dazzle her with my fine dancing skills that i learned from some middle aged lady with nothing else to do but teach other people to dance. yes i can see it now, and then i will return home and reflect on that and realize it meant nothing.

well i'm sure i'll have time for all that, but for now i'll stick to school and guitar playing, sports, clarinet mastering, tree-climbing, garbage-disposal-like eating, and sleeping.

a real man can eat a grapefruit....i am not yet a real man.